February 22, 2016

Writing from a Bleeding Heart

By Paula Mosher Wallace

Angry. Hurt. Rejected. Abandoned. Betrayed. Abused. Depressed. You get the hint. Writing from the darker side of the heart. My platform is not fun or light. There is no fluff or nonsense. I write about abuse followed by healing. I know I’m not the best writer in the world, but my readers consistently tell me that they felt the pain and hope in every story they read. That’s because they lived each story with me.

As I wrote my own stories of abuse in Bloom in the Dark, I tasted the blood from my bleeding heart. I felt agonizing pain. I relived my betrayal with shock and disbelief. I was blinded by the darkness and despair. Wrapped up in the realities of my story, I didn’t notice the tears splashing on my keyboard as I typed furiously. (Waterproof keyboards are a good investment for this type of writing!)

As I wrote, I didn’t worry about wording or grammar. I didn’t think about punctuation. I just relived the story. Editing took care of verb tenses, wording and punctuation. Anytime I focused on the mechanics first, my writing was more literary, but less emotionally intense.

Writing about someone else’s pain was different. I had not lived those stories. When I started writing others’ stories, my writing was not nearly as authentic. The emotions were not as deep, but I needed all the stories to pull the reader in with the same raw intensity. Maybe some writers can just play with words and connect at that depth. I’m not that good.

I had to learn to live my heroine’s nightmare while my hands typed. I had to transfer my pain and darkness to her story. I had to hurt just as deeply as she had. I bled from the cuts made by shattered dreams. I felt the quicksand of despair sucking me under. Once again, tears dripped on my keyboard as I typed.

What makes my stories worth writing? The joy I get to live as I experience each woman’s healing is amazing. Facing the darkness this way, makes my everyday life magical. The hope at the end of each story fills me with buoyancy and perspective. Sunlight is so much warmer and brighter after chilling darkness. Writing from a bleeding heart intensifies the beauty of my life.
Paula Mosher Wallace was born in the jungles of Peru to missionary parents, Paula’s beginning in life was anything but typical. Raped at the age of 5, Paula was caught in a cycle of damage and abuse which lasted into her thirties. From sexual abuse to later mental, emotional and even spiritual abuse, Paula developed a victim mentality, which fueled decades of continued abuse. The trauma she experienced caused her to develop a variety of psychosomatic illnesses which, at times, left her bed-ridden. Broken beyond endurance and suicidal, Paula cried out to God for help. He miraculously intervened, faithfully walking with her through a dramatic healing process. Along the way, Paula learned to stand up to her abusers and stop attracting predators. She now knows, from personal experience, the healing, deliverance, and hope that only God can bring. As an ex-victim, Paula’s passion to help others resulted in her writing Bloom in the Dark, a compilation of true stories shared by women who have walked through personal darkness and abuse. Each story tells how God met, healed, and restored an ex-victim. Readers discover that they are not alone and that there is lasting hope and healing!

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