By
Lori Benton
Journeys
come in all forms, don’t they? Actual road trips, relationships, careers, birth,
adoption, illness, healing, even hobbies. Sometimes we embark on journeys of
self-discovery, emotional or spiritual. Often we’re aware of the journey lying
before us before we take that first intentional step, though rarely do we have
the smallest inkling of all that awaits us around each bend; delights,
surprises, joys, disappointments, challenges, triumphs—and at last our
destination, though perhaps not the destination we anticipated at the outset.
Getting
married at eighteen was an intentional journey (30 years ago tomorrow, as I
write this post). Starting my first novel when I was twenty-two was an
intentional journey. Moving from the east coast to Oregon with my husband when
I was twenty-four was another. Being diagnosed with cancer at thirty, however,
wasn’t one of those journeys I’d have chosen to take, yet it proved to be a
journey of impact like no other before it.
The
type of cancer I had, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, isn’t usually difficult to cure these
days. Mine was caught relatively early on and true to doctors’ predictions,
after six months of chemo and radiation I was pronounced all clear. And have
remained so for nearly nineteen years. All clear. Only… not.
This
cancer experience might have been a brief detour in my writing journey save for
one side effect to the treatment I never saw coming. Chemo fog, or brain fog.
It descended during chemo and didn’t lift for nearly five years. Five years in
which, still unpublished but intentional about changing that, I spun my wheels
in an ever more dispiriting mess of words that simply wouldn’t come together to
do what I was once able to make them do… create a story with a beginning,
middle, and end, full of characters living out their own emotional, physical,
and spiritual journeys that I would bring—through much trial and challenge of
course—to satisfying conclusions. My brain wasn’t able to do the work anymore
and trying to force it to do so left me frustrated, exhausted, and bereft,
feeling I’d lost a vital part of myself.
Until
I came at last to a point of surrender. My will for God’s will—for I believe
He’s the one in control of all that concerns me. I stopped trying to write. I
took up other forms of creativity. I allowed myself to play. I found patience
with my limitations. And gradually, with time, that fog did lift and I wrote
another book and it became my first published novel.
Maintaining
hope in a season of waiting is a theme in my latest release from WaterBrook
Press, Many Sparrows, one that
obviously still resonates with me so many years past that difficult journey of
waiting through chemo fog. You’d think I’d have learned well not to fret in
such seasons, but so often I need to be reminded of what I already know. That
sometimes the hardest journey to take is one of standing still, but that’s no
less a journey than one in which every step is laid out before us and we are
free to step along lively.
And
then there are those journeys we don’t even recognize until we’re some distance
down the road. About a year ago I embarked on such a one. Before I began
writing that first novel at twenty-two, I’d had a lifelong passion for painting
and drawing. I attended art college for two years and had even begun a career
as a wildlife painter. Then the writing bug bit.
The
life of a published writer is, I’ve since found, far more demanding creatively
than painting ever was. After a few published novels I found myself hovering
dangerously close to burn out. About that time, through a friend with a passion
for landscape photography, I discovered Instagram and the many photographers
sharing their work through that venue. I had a little Kodak Easy Share camera
gathering dust and had just purchased my first smart phone. I thought, “I can
do this!”
Thus
began that unexpected journey. Along the way I’ve discovered things about
myself and rediscovered others. I have a sense of adventure. I’m not afraid to
hike new trails alone. I live in the Pacific Northwest, an area that is proving
inexhaustible in its beauty. But I think the greatest and most unexpected
blessing has come in learning to edit my photos after the joy of exploring and
taking them; that young artist I used to be has woken up. I’m painting again, just
with pixels instead of paint.
Where
will this photo journey lead me? I don’t yet know but sense it’s leading
somewhere. And that’s part of the thrill of journeys. The unknown. But don’t
you want to go just a little farther, see what lies around the next bend?
I
wish you joy in your journeys, wherever they may lead!
___________________________________________________________________
Lori
Benton’s novels transport readers to the eighteenth century, where she brings
to life the Colonial and early Federal periods of American history. When she
isn’t writing, reading, or researching, Lori enjoys exploring and photographing
the Oregon wilderness with her husband. She is the author of Burning Sky, recipient of three Christy
Awards; The Pursuit of Tamsen Littlejohn;Christy nominated The Wood’s Edge; its
sequel, A Flight of Arrows; and her
latest release, Many Sparrows. Her Social
Media Links are Website http://loribenton.blogspot.com/ Twitter https://twitter.com/LLB26
Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/lorilbenton/
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