By Sarah Andre
I volunteer to judge a lot of writing
contests and one weak craft component consistently stands out: bland verbs and
adjectives. A writer will choose, for example; he sat over a myriad of words that would’ve otherwise sparked the
reader’s imagination. And that’s what great writing is all about, right? Hearing
a reader say, “It was like I watched
the scene unfold…”
So, let’s go back to he sat. Sure he did, but be more precise: did he sprawl into the
chair? Flop? Kick back? Ease into? Huddle? What works for the scene and tells
you a little more about the character? A
CEO will claim a chair, a surfer-dude will slouch into it and a female thief,
combing through the desk drawers might perch. See how none of the three verb examples
is interchangeable with the other subjects? And how that verb choice paints a clearer
picture in your head?
Other throwaway opportunities, IMO: move, got, went, took, put. He got out
of the SWAT van becomes: he shouldered his way out of the van. He went south
versus he headed south. She moved closer becomes she slipped closer. Did he
take the cellphone out or pluck/snatch/palm it? Did she put the BP cuff on the
patient’s arm or Velcro it on?
In this excerpt from Locked, Loaded and Lying, my hero is striding up a hill at midnight
in a snowstorm when he witnesses a car crash through a guardrail down on the
highway. Naturally, the real action is going to occur when he is at the scene,
trying to open the battered door and save a life. So I could have made quick
work of his return descent to the road. It’s windy, slippery and my hero is
going as fast as he can. All boring words right? This is a lost opportunity to
build the suspense and pace. Therefore I chose powerful verbs and adjectives, and
sliced off any padded, filler words. The descent becomes sleek, action-packed
and hopefully unfolds like a movie to you.
The thick forest would have made this
descent treacherous on any given night, but combined with the stinging snow and
thin, bobbing beam of his flashlight, his journey became one of survival.
Flakes blinded him and clogged his breathing. Slashes of frigid wind whipped
him until he staggered. He pushed on, slipping and sliding, and twice collided
with cottonwood branches, the second one clocking him so hard it sheared off
his knit cap.
Uttering an oath, he continued on, his
breath now ragged. He reached the highway and half-ran, half-skated across. He
halted at the guardrail’s serrated hole and swept the flashlight in an arc. A
Honda Civic lay upside down on the embankment. The headlights shone with morbid
stillness into the swirling river three feet away.
Play fast and loose with rules. Hijacking
nouns and bend them into verbs. See if it sparks your scene. Happy writing!
_______________________________________________________________
Sarah
Andre is a 2017 RWA RITA® finalist and writes ‘romantic suspense that keeps you
up all night.’ Novels include: Locked, Loaded and Lying (2015), Tall,Dark and Damaged (2016) plus an anthology From Florida with Love (2016.)
She lives in serene Southwest FL with her husband and two naughty
Pomeranians. When she’s not writing, Sarah stays crushingly busy in various
volunteer positions which she complains loudly about, but secretly enjoys.
Her latest romantic suspense, Capturing the Queen releases in June,
2017. (She’s probably on deadline right now!) Website Facebook Twitter Goodreads Amazon Author Page BookBub Page Kiss and Thrill blog
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